The late night Jimmies are at war over who makes the best homemade pizza

Give it up, Fallon -- Kimmel has a woodfired oven!
April 1, 2021 9:01 a.m. EST
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Late night hosts Jimmy Kimmel and Jimmy Fallon often butt heads. They both have late-night talk shows in competition, so it stands to reason that they might rib and roast each other once in a while. But when it comes to pizza-making, these two don't joke. This is serious stuff, and no monkey business (or substandard tomatoes) will be allowed.

Earlier this week, Fallon posted a video on his Instagram, filmed by his wife Nancy, of him using the inspiration from actor Stanley Tucci’s Searching for Italy series on CNN to make a pizza at home, just like the Neapolitans do. Ah, Stanley Tucci... 

Kimmel, who unlike Fallon is actually part Italian, was outraged. OUTRAGED.

Filmed in portrait mode for some odd reason by his wife Molly, Kimmel came in hot. “I saw your pizza-making video on Instagram and it was very cute. You're very cute […] I know Stanley Tucci as well; he's a friend of mine. And you, my friend, are no Stanley Tucci.”

First point of contention: Fallon’s use of a rolling pin. “I saw you using a rolling pin on the dough which is outrageous!” Kimmel decried. “That's the first mistake. Real pizza does not get rolled with a pin because it takes all the air out of the pizza. Real pizza, you stretch!”

After critiquing Fallon’s choice of tomatoes, (he called San Marzano tomatoes “complete nonsense”, instead using Bianco DiNapoli tomatoes), he made fun of Fallon squirming as he stuck his hand in a jar of mozzarella. “Now what I do is I stick my hand in the can like a man and I squeeze these tomatoes! I squeeze them until I can feel it down here; you know what I’m saying?”

Then Molly behind the camera can be heard exclaiming, “Ew!” Molly is all of us right now.

Adding if you “order extra cheese, you’re an animal, go eat at Dominos,” Kimmel also roasted Fallon on his at-home pizza cooking device, calling it a “waffle maker,” and then showed how to work a proper woodfired oven. When it came out looking like perfection (Sorry Fallon, Kimmel clearly won here), the roasting didn’t stop.

“Remember it's not Play-Doh, it's pizza dough!”

Then from behind the camera, Molly squeaks, “Hi, Nancy!”

“Don't talk to the enemy; these are late night wars now!” Kimmel scolds before adding. “That was Molly. Hi, Nancy.”

This may seem harsh, but it was all for a good cause. Kimmel called on viewers to donate $5 to No Kid Hungry – a US-wide campaign dedicated to ending childhood hunger in America.

In the video caption, Kimmel said viewers could vote “for Jimmy Fallon’s sad misshapen blob,” by texting FALLON to 877877. To vote for Jimmy Kimmel’s “beautiful pie,” text KIMMEL to 877877. Voting means donating! So okay, maybe Kimmel is rough around the edges, but like Fallon, he cares about people. And pizza.

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