Ed Sheeran reaches plenty of fans’ hearts with his soulful ballads, but those record-breaking tours have taken a toll on his mental health. The singer showed a different side of his soul recently when he got real about his struggles with mental health, binge-eating and panic attacks for an online summit on anxiety and wellbeing.In a nearly 45-minute chat with documentary filmmaker James Sebastiano Jr. titled Finding Peace at the Top of the Music Industry, Sheeran revealed that he has always had an addictive personality and that led him to stumble when he was at the height of his career and living the rock-star lifestyle. “I'm covered in tattoos and I don't do things by half,” the performer explained. “So if I'm gonna drink... I see no point in having a glass of wine. I'd rather have two bottles… Having a glass of wine is having something in moderation and probably isn't going to affect your day the next day. But two bottles of wine probably might make you quite sad,” he added.According to the singer it wasn’t just alcohol that was the problem. Food, and other vices began to take over his life as well. “They used to call me two-dinner Teddy because I used to order two meals and eat that,” he revealed. “Then you start putting on loads of weight and hating the way you look… I think things like sugar, sweet stuff, junk food, cocaine, alcohol, it feels good the more you do, but it's the worst thing for you.”In the conversation Sheeran, who has spoken out about mental health before, also revisits his 2014-15 world tour in which he performed 180 dates to promote the album X. He recalls the tour as being a particular low point in his life, when he barely saw sunlight and gave into all of his vices. “I would stay up and drink all night and then sleep on the bus," he recalled. “The buses would park underneath the arenas and I'd sleep on the bus all day, then wake up and then come out, do the show, drink, get back on the bus and I didn't see sunlight for maybe four months. It's all fun and games at the start. It's all rock and roll, and then like it starts getting sad. That was probably like the lowest that I've been and I kind of ballooned in weight.”He adds that it was around that time that he hated the way he looked, he began suffering from panic attacks, and he began questioning his true purpose. “I felt, ‘What was the point?’ In a dark way, like, ‘Why am I around? What is the point?’” he recalled.

His saving graces

In the interview Sheeran credits two people as having a huge impact on helping him to find better mental health: his wife Cherry Seaborn and performer Elton John. Sheeran reveals that because his wife is into eating healthy and exercising and doesn’t drink, he started emulating her habits. He began running with her and putting more nutrients into his body, and eventually he started feeling better. “I think that all changed things,” he said.As for John? Sheeran recalls signing on with the same management company as “Rocketman” and eventually reading his autobiography, Me. There he saw a lot of similarities between their careers. “There are so many things that he did that I do,” Sheeran said. “He would be like, ‘I would just go on an ice cream binge and eat four desserts until I threw up,’ and I was like, ‘I’ve done that before,’” Sheeran said. “Or his martini binges, where he sees how many martinis he can drink. I’m like, ‘I’ve done that before too.’”These days, Sheeran is on another break from social media (he also took one following the tour in 2015) and he has put his music on hiatus after last year’s release of No.6 Collaborations Project. For now he’s focusing on doing other things that make him happy, like painting. In the interview, which was taped before the coronavirus pandemic hit, Sheeran reveals he purchased 30 canvases and just painted one a day. Not for sale or anything, just for him. That’s also kind of how he sees the earlier days of his music career, back before he was selling out stadiums for eager fans—he was in it for the joy of creating.“The songs that have been the biggest are the ones that needed to be written to feel better,” he revealed. “I don’t think there’s anyone who has ever had success in anything that hasn’t [started at the bottom.] You have to have a love for it... When I started at the bottom I enjoyed every part of it. I loved the shows. Sometimes it made me sad that there was nowhere to sleep or I wasn’t making any money, but I still f---ing loved every part of it.”[video_embed id='2002600']BEFORE YOU GO: People are putting doll arms on chickens and it’s hilarious[/video_embed]