Simu Liu's Juno's opening monologue was full of shade and brutal zingers

Shang Chi star Simu Liu has never been one to mince words. The Kim’s Convenience legend has often taken to social media to give his unfiltered thoughts on everything from the aforementioned show’s cancellation to even offering receipts and tea-spillage. We are always here for it.

So when he was asked to return for a second hosting stint of the Juno’s on Monday, we knew to expect a whole bunch of zingers and shade, but when he yeeted a joke squarely at disgraced Toronto mayor John Tory, we were screaming. 

Taking the Edmonton stage after Tate McCrae’s opening performance, Simu struck quite the image in his sleek turquoise tux, but he made sure the Albertan audience enjoyed the pot-shots at the 6ix.

After giving a shout-out to Edmonton mayor Amarjeet Sohi in the house, he quipped, "As a Torontonian myself, how do I put this? We have a bit of a thing when it comes to mayors.”

"Let me just say how refreshing it is to see a mayor not do crack in an underpass,” he joked, “or engage in a very uncomfortable sex scandal. Toronto should take note.”

Shots fired.

Simu is of course, referencing Toronto’s back-to-back mayors, Rob Ford (who was caught in a crack-cocaine scandal that rocked the world), and John Tory, who resigned earlier this year after a The Toronto Star investigation found he had engaged in a workplace extramarital affair, abusing his power. 

Simu isn’t exactly wrong. Toronto is so very tired.

His zingers didn’t end there. He pointed out hockey heavyweight Connor McDavid in the audience, announcing, "Connor's having one of the best single-season performances since Wayne Gretzky. Incredible. You are the Lebron of hockey right now," he said. “Just do me a favour. Promise me you will not take your talents to South Beach. Don't do it." McDavid awkwardly laughed as the camera zoomed in.

The Shang Chi star then took aim at the Junos themselves, joking, "When the producers asked me to come back, I did what any responsible adult would do and left the writing until the last possible second.”

So he did what every student on earth is doing right now - he invited artificial intelligence app ChatGPT to write his monologue. 

It didn’t get Canadian spelling right; it called Simu a “small part” of the show (“I feel like small is a bit of an undersell”) and then hailed “newcomers” to the Canadian music scene like, uh, Prime Minister John A. Macdonald, poutine, Lake Superior and the CN Tower.

"Okay, most of those are not even people... See, that's why I'm on stage, and AI is not. Okay, well, thank you. Our jobs are safe, you guys," Simu laughed.

He finished off his scathing monologue by pointing out that he’s going to be in the new Barbie movie alongside fellow Canadian Ryan Gosling and Margot Robbie. 

“Yes, I am playing Barbie! That's how much I'm breaking barriers,” he joked.

The photo of him in the trailer, he said, reminded him of his old stock photos days from 2013 “before Only Fans and feet pics,” as he put it, so he grabbed Ryan P from Nickelback to help him sing a little ditty to his old stock photo days, set to the tune of Nickelback’s “Photograph.”

Cut to Chad Kroeger looking woefully unamused.

All in favour of Simu hosting everything from now on, say Aye!