Zendaya questioned who she is without work during the pandemic

The ongoing coronavirus pandemic has been tough on everyone, even Hollywood superstar Zendaya. Many sets closed down during the beginning of the pandemic and had to follow strict COVID-19 protocols when they returned, which resulted in countless film release dates being pushed back. With no work, Zendaya began to question her identity without her acting career.

“It was the first time since I was 13 that I didn't go back to something,” Zendaya told GQ for their February issue. “There was no structure.” The 24-year-old actress was ready to film the second season of Euphoria, which we all want so badly! But COVID pushed the show’s return back a year, and the film Dune, which she costars in with Timothée Chalamet, got pushed back as well. 

“It was my first time just being like, ‘Okay, who am I without this?’ ” she explained to GQ. “Which is a very scary thing to confront and work through, because I don't really know Zendaya outside of the Zendaya who works. I didn't realize how much my job and my art were a part of my identity as a human.” The Euphoria star said that she feels most like herself when she’s working. “I felt like, when I wasn’t working, my powers had gone away, and I was like, ‘Who the f--k —’ I didn't really know who I was and what makes me happy. What do I like to do? What else do I do? What is my value? What is my purpose now?”

Zendaya spent the first part of quarantine wondering if she should take up piano lessons or learn a new language because if quarantine taught us anything, it’s the importance of having a hobby (or a puppy). She would call up Euphoria creator Sam Levinson “to shoot the s--t,” and they would talk for hours every other day, venting about the world or “what was in our hearts at the time or whatever.”

Their phone conversations sparked an idea for Zendaya. She wondered what it would be like to make a movie within the confines of quarantine and what that would even look like. She also wondered if it was even possible to do so. She said that Levinson suggested a horror movie where Zendaya “lost it because you still think you’re on K.C. Undercover,” and said she could be stuck being “this Disney Channel actress,” and people would tell her that she’s not K.C. She heard him out, but she didn’t like the idea.

Zendaya remembered Levinson’s informal pitch for the soon-to-be-released Malcolm & Marie. “‘What if I just stripped everything away? There's no gimmick, no anything. What does that look like? What if it's just a relationship piece? What if it's just two people, one's upset because the other one didn't thank them for something, and they're in one place? And that's all it is,’” the Emmy-winning actress said, imitating Levinson’s pitch. 

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She liked the idea, and Levinson began writing the script that turned into Malcolm & Marie, which tells the story of a filmmaker Malcolm (Washington), and his girlfriend Marie (Zendaya), who return home after a celebratory movie premiere as he awaits his financial success. The evening turns from celebratory to critical as revelations about their relationships begin to surface, and the couple tests the strength of their love. The movie was filmed in the environmentally conscious glass Caterpillar house in Carmel, California, and they were able to shoot everything in just two weeks. 

“[Marie] gave me an opportunity to use these words in a way,” Zendaya said of her character. “I don't yell. I'm not a very argumentative person, but it's nice to just release s--t and be able to…I don't know… I guess emote would be the word? To just use her as this vessel to just get s--t out that maybe I had pent up or hadn't said.” Zendaya added that she could go back and forth on a topic with her family and friends for no reason, just to make sure her point is heard, and she said that is one of the reasons why she relates to Marie.

Zendaya explained that Malcolm & Marie showcases the characters' insecurities as Black creatives in white corporate Hollywood. “Those conversations are definitely conversations that Sam and I have had,” she said, “because a lot of it was inspired by feelings of limitation for Black creatives that are not put on other people. And what that looks like, and what that feels like as a creative, when you just want to make art.”

She said that she received many job offers in 2020, but nothing caught her eye because she felt she could have played them all as the same person. “The best way to describe it is just like, they'd usually serve the purpose of helping the male character get to where they need to go, do what they need to do. They don't really have an arc of their own,” she explained. “And they usually feel very one-dimensional in the sense that there's not a lot of layers to them, meaning they all seem very kind of like the same person over and over and over again. It would have been great and it would have been fine, but I wouldn't have grown at all.” One word: GROWTH. 

Zendaya also looked back on her Best Actress Emmy win from September for her work as Rue on Euphoria. She revealed that she slept with her trophy on her nightstand that September evening. “Not even gonna lie!” she said. “It was just nice to roll over and see her. She was pretty. Just beautiful. Glowing!” She added that receiving the award felt like she was proving something to herself and she felt good about it for everyone on the show. "It feels like recognition that maybe we aren't just like that little crazy show with the crazy kids, you know what I mean? To me, it's like Mean Girls, when [Lindsay Lohan] breaks the crown. She's like, 'This is for you.'" And none for Gretchen Weiners.

Safe to say Zendaya might be breaking that crown into pieces again because it's looking like Malcolm & Marie will be an Oscar contender.

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